So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
