i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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