and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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