So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
