Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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