I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My vagina just recognized that song.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
