textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize