somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That was an excessively violent trivia night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
