I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
