If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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