Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
