YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
