Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
