Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
