I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
