that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it's like iHOP with fire
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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