i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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