my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
