the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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