Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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