i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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