So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
