Michael Bay diarrhea
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Bring me that man meat
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
