I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
