there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
