PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
