Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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