First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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