youre lurking in front of me
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
