I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
