So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Everything about him screamed your future.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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