with your own penis?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
