he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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