UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
