It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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