How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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