Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
