once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
