All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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