The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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