i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
