im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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