Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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