Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
