Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
