I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
