I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
