I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
