I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
