if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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