So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I forgot how hot balto sounded
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
