My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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