She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
