My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize