dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
we're so committed to being not committed
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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