you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
