HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
