Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
