Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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