in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
