if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
