Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sext me about skeletons
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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