Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
