I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
