pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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