I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
