i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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