How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
