the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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