I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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