I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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